TRUE U: June 2015

Starve Your Fears . . . A Story Untold

(Series on Fear)

“Feed your fears and you will starve our faith. Feed your faith, and starve your fears.” Max Lucado

Flush, brush, take the bench. That was my routine as I started playing piano Sunday mornings as a teenager. Yes, the “flush” was me getting sick out of a deep and overwhelming anxiety.

So many of the things I loved and dreamed of started with an obstacle called anxiety.

I loved playing with music teams. However, as a teenager I discovered that this caused me great joy, and great stress all at once. It turns out, I was very fearful of playing piano in public. I would be so nervous I would get physically sick. This was a terrible obstacle. That wasn't all I was fearful of. Growing up, I had always shrunk away from upfront stuff like English presentations and speeches. The fear public performance and speaking became magnified by close proximity to my purpose. As I was provided more opportunities to participate in speaking and teaching - the more I experienced anxiety.

No one would have guessed it. I was outgoing, bubbly, involved in various extra curricular activities, and had plenty of friends. I wasn’t shy. I didn’t look or act nervous. No one else would even know this was happening. Not a huge deal right? Common Kristy, there are worse things. True, there are.

So what were my options? Just don’t speak in front of people – problem solved right? Not for me. I knew at the age of 15 that my life would be devoted to a ministry context. This meant . . . dun dun dah. . . . frequent occasions where I would have to speak to more than a couple people at a time teaching and preaching.

Facing this fear/anxiety was not optional – I had to if I wanted to fully use the gifts God deposited in my life, and if I wanted to fulfill purpose and walk towards my dreams.

How is it that God would give me a gift and give me a desire to do something that also caused the greatest of anxieties?

He does tend to birth strength from weakness.

So what did I do? Did I quit? No, even though I often felt like it. Did I stop dreaming? No, I had potential brewing. Did I make excuses? Hum…sometimes. Did I cry about it? Yes. Did I wonder why? Yes. Did I pray about it? Absolutely! I needed to grow in my gifts – and to do that I had to face my fear.

You see fear wants you to feed it – but stepping out of your comfort zone helps to starve it!

Knowing I needed to overcome this paralyzing fear – I did something radical. I signed up for grade 11 drama class! Did I mention this fear was at its worst around my peers? So, I signed myself up for a semester of frequent washroom visits, stress and butterflies flapping wildly in my stomach each morning. I fought a deep desire to STAY HOME from school or miss the bus. But, I stuck with it. Lesson learned – though fear took me to the bathroom, it did not overtake me!

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” Henry Ford.

I’d like to say that after this “exposure therapy experiment,” the fear faded quickly. But it didn’t. It was years of facing the fear on a piano bench, classroom presentations, teaching seminars, speaking at retreats, and preaching. I had to starve it out, because it wanted to be fed. It wanted to grip me. It wanted to steal my future.

I can still remember a Bible College class where I stood to give a presentation and NOTHING, I mean like NOTHING came out of my mouth. I had to just sit back down in my seat. Everyone was confused because they had no clue of this anxiety. This episode was very discouraging. One left a stinger for a time. But again, I couldn’t stay paralyzed by failure. You don’t have to be paralyzed by set backs or fear either.

I can also remember a women’s retreat I was to speak at. I was in ministry and newly married. Jeff drove me to the Saturday evening service because I really didn’t feel well. In fact, when we pulled up to the location, my whole body was aching so bad with anxiety I couldn’t walk. Jeff had to carry me to the door of the lodge room. He then stopped, prayed for me and I walked through with God’s help to deliver a message. Little did the women know I was physically carried to that door and God carried me the rest of the way.

There were many more stories like that one.

“COURAGE is not the absence of fear – but the triumph over it. The brave [wo]man is not the one who does not feel fear, but who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandella

Do not allow fear to paralyze you or your future. Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. Anxiety can create cycles of avoidance and retreat.

You have treasure in you that is not meant to be hidden!

I have known talented people who procrastinate rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins. Your not taking a risk working through fear breaks your confidence more than taking a risk and failing.

So what fears to you have? What fear might hold you back from your future? What fear do you want to break through?

The thing is, breaking through fear and anxiety often comes through doing the opposite to how you feel in the moment. Take action. Find someone to help through a process of breaking through anxiety be it a mentor, teacher, Dr., counselor, or pastor.

“Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will.” W. Clement Stone.

I am thankful that today, many years later things are better. It is not that I do not get nervous at times. But working through the debilitating part of that anxiety was a process. I attribute having overcome much of this fear to a few key things.

1) My parents’ parenting: my parents from a young age taught me to follow through on commitment (even if I didn’t feel like it), held me accountable, were very consistent, were supportive, and encouraged me to follow my dreams.

TRUE U TIP: Its ok to be lovingly pushed through a struggle - towards your potential. Someone to help you stay on track, be consistent and accountable to your goals.

2) Saying yes: instead of saying no to opportunities to do what I loved and dreamed of because of my fear and anxiety – I said yes. At one point I really felt like God told me to say yes to opportunities and not run away from them. Discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean you weren’t meant to do something. Be courageous about working through your fear. Doing nothing might guarantee you get stuck.

TRUE U TIP: Taking steps through fear towards your destiny breaks its hold on you! You can do it.

3) Faith: as a woman who values faith in God, that really is the number one ingredient to overcoming struggle and fear in our lives. We can’t do it all on our own, we need God’s help, strength and wisdom.

Live for and concentrate on something bigger than yourself. A heart full of hope and purpose helps motivate you to overcome fear.

TRUE U TIP: Let Him help you through your struggle and face your fear. Many times God asked people to “take courage,” and assured them He was with them. He’s with you if you ask Him to be!

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but He has given us a spirit of power, and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind, and discipline and self-control.” 2 Tim 1:7

STARVE YOUR FEAR . . . do not let it paralyze your potential or dictate your future.

“Feed your fears and you will starve our faith. Feed your faith, and starve your fears.” Max Lucado

* This is a short synopsis of a personal story of overcoming a specific fear and anxiety. So many suffer from anxiety disorders of many kinds, please see your Dr. if you have questions about anxiety. (You are not alone! Did you know 1 in 5 have an anxiety issue?) I will be writing more specifically and in depth about the nature of anxiety in future posts.

The Return To My First love

A saying goes “You can never realize the value of something until you loose it.”

This is my story of what happened in my walk with God. From a young age, I had developed a strong relationship with God through the guidance of my parents and of life experiences. I was always known as the “good girl.” It never bothered me on the contrary I was quite proud of it. I always gave my friends good advice and I was always there for them. For some reason one day, I thought to myself “Why is my life so perfect?” and by “perfect” I meant why do people view me as a “goody goody.” So I told God that I did not want to be a “goody goody” anymore. I wanted to experience what others did so that I could relate better to what they were going through. I did not plan to become a rebel, however I wanted to experiment with what the others were doing.

So I got myself a boyfriend and decided to dedicate myself fully to my education. To some this might seem normal but it was never part of my previous life. These two things became my priority. Slowly by slowly I allowed the business of life, school and girl friend duties take over. I barely prayed or read His word. I still attended church and I was still active in my ministry.

On the outside everything seemed perfect but on the inside I was slowly dying. There is something that happens when you choose to take God out of the equation of your life.

There was a whole inside of me that I couldn’t fill up. I lived the same life style for the next three years. I thought of suicide even though I knew it was a sin. As I continued to attending church and serving in my ministry, things finally started to change. I came to a realization that this was not how I wanted to live and luckily I knew exactly where to run back. So I pushed through it and slowly by slowly through church messages and young adult meetings, I found myself back to the feet of my first love.

I had reached the lowest of lows and my mind was made up not to stay in that pit. The more I opened up my heart and longed to be back with Him, the better I could hear that still small voice (the Holy Spirit). He reassured me of God’s love for me, He reminded me to surrender everything to God and He would fix it all. And so the journey began. I started letting go and letting Him back into EVERY aspect of my life. Ever since that day, I have been on this journey and every day, every week, every month, every year and every season of my life has been different. I am still not perfect but at least I know that the one who leads my life has perfect plans for me and as long as my FOCUS is on Him then I will be just fine.

My biggest testimony is of His unconditional love for me. I left and chose my own path but even then He was with me. He patiently waited for my return and when the time came, His arms were wide open to welcome me back home. There is nothing that this world could offer that could ever compare to God’s relentless pursuit for you.

Guest Post by:

Marvelous Malekera

ABOUT TRUE U

There is only one you. Best to know the true you - right? To best unleash your potential and purpose you must know you, value you, invest in you, and love you. True U's school of self-image and relationships is here to cheer you on, with encouragement and inspiration. This blog is to highlight real life stories of overcoming life's obstacles. You are not alone.

Your journey is unique, your make up is unique, and your value is exponential. Each day is an opportunity to grow, learn, give, heal, and discover. Enjoy the journey.

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