VALUE U

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Just because someone desires you, does not mean they value you. Read it over. Again. Let those words resonate in your mind. 


One of the toughest but most beneficial lessons for young girls comes from relationships. We’ve all been there or know someone who has gone through a rocky relationship and a bad breakup. Although you probably won’t marry the first person you date, you can avoid heartbreaks for sure. I definitely learnt a lesson from my first boyfriend in university. At the beginning of the year I didn’t know people from a hole in the wall, but if people say and do the right things its tough not to think they are great. Toxic people hardly ever turn out toxic at the beginning.
              
In high school I was never one to date; I had high standards and wanted someone who was mature, and no boys I knew fit the bill. I thought to myself ‘college-age boys will be more mature’. When I started university in September I met a lot of great people, including this boy who was really nice to me. He paid attention to me, wanted to hang out with me, and did all the right things to make me fall for him. We began to date and I thought life was complete, but that’s the thing, you can’t make homes out of people. As sad as it sounds you have to be guarded with your emotions because when push came to shove, this boy didn’t love me. He had other intentions.
               
He desired me, for what I believed were my looks, but he did not value me. I was just another girl he wanted to chase, and when he got me, the fun was over for him. He did not value me. Even when I told him that things he did would make me cry myself to sleep, he didn’t care. It wasn’t his problem.
             
It broke my heart. How could someone act like they loved you and your soul and everything you are; then get what they want and throw you away like yesterdays paper? It took me months of contemplating and speaking with people who had been in similar situations to realize that a lot of people have a different heart than mine. What is right and wrong to me could be wrong and right to them. This boy did not value me as a human being; I was equivocated as an object. It was desire that drove him to treat me in such a way.
    
How then, do we choose to be in relationships with people who will value us? It’s a tough question to answer. First of all, remember that you are not selfish if you put your needs first. If you have to forget who you are and what you need to make this person happy, they are not the one. Secondly, if you feel you have to prove your worth to someone, they are not the one. Finally, and this is more of a ‘test’ than anything, if you tell them certain details about your life and they don’t remember (because they choose not to remember, thinking they are not important) they are not the one. Five months into my relationship my boyfriend didn’t know my birthday or my middle name. I had said those things multiple times and I guess he considered them obsolete.



Above all, remember that you are a wonderful human being. You deserve to be treated like you are exactly that. You should not cry yourself to sleep at night over people who hurt you, because if they do not care that they hurt you then there is something wrong with them. You are a masterpiece; focus your time on yourself rather than people who tear you down. When you love and respect yourself, the chips will fall into place. 




True U Guest Blogger,
Victoria Gauthier


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There is only one you. Best to know the true you - right? To best unleash your potential and purpose you must know you, value you, invest in you, and love you. True U's school of self-image and relationships is here to cheer you on, with encouragement and inspiration. This blog is to highlight real life stories of overcoming life's obstacles. You are not alone.

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About Kristy

Kristy has a passion for seeing young women discover their purpose in life. There is nothing better than seeing people gain confidence and freedom to live a meaningful life. We were made for more than the prison of devalue, fear, or insecurity. Young women are unique gems, and their confidence and dreams often need to be mined - dig for your treasure! Kristy has worked with girls, and young women in a variety of contexts. She also holds an M.A in Professional Counseling.

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