Little Toy Gun

I wish words were like little toy guns, no sting, no hurt no one, Just a bang rollin’ off your tongue. I wish word were like little toy guns, no smoke, no bullets, no kick from the trigger when you pull it, no pain, no damage done. Lyrics, Carrie Underwood Little Toy Guns

Families fight. They do at times. Some more than others. But what about when that becomes an all the time thing? How do you recover from mis-spoken words that pierce your heart and paralyze your sense of worth? What do you do when you question if you are loved by the ones who are supposed to love you most?

“BANG BANG ROLLIN’ OFF YOUR TONGUE . . .”

CAUGHT IN CROSS FIRE
Being caught in cross fire is not something that only happens on the battle field of war, but in the battle fields of hurting families.

There are many students that I have encountered over the years that are silently dealing with pain and injury that comes from their family situations. Sadly, the very place is supposed to offer safety and love becomes one of fear and frustration.

Can I say, I’m so sorry if you are experiencing sadness or pain from mis-spoken words.

WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO WORDS
Often times when these students become brave enough to remove the DO NOT ENTER sign and share their hidden hurts – family pain sits inside. Their experiences rang from heart ache from parents who have broke up, abuse that is witnessed, emotionally absent parent, parents who’s expectations are unmanageable, parents who criticize, to parents who are volcanic in their communication. It all boils down to words.

They have been shot by a verbal bullet, or caught in someone else deflecting crossfire.

“I wish they didn’t cut like a knife
I wish they didn’t break you inside
I wish they didn’t bang bang make you wanna run”

What you hear can hurt as much as what is directly said. What is said to a mom or dad in anger, can hurt as if it was said to you.  The range of situations are unique, but with all have a common pain.

WHAT FAMILY CHAOS CREATES
They carry with them each day the heavy weight created by the chaos that causes feelings of insecurity, fear, inadequacy. Labels stick. You were this, you are that. You aren’t this, you aren’t that. Hurtful words that are spoken to children become internalized and they become the labels they self-identify with in adult-hood. 

We can carry things around with us that were meant to heal not hinder. We can have bullet woods that never heal . . . and keep bleeding. 

“I wish word were like little toy guns, no smoke, no bullets, no kick from the trigger when you pull it, no pain, no damage done.”

WORDS ARE POWERFUL
You can’t un-say something, and you can’t un-see something. What slips out of people’s lips in anger, takes root in another’s heart.  Sometimes they aren't meant, but they are still felt. These aren't toy guns we are dealing with, our mouths are loaded with ammunition. Words are powerful. Words have impact. Words have the power to build up or tear down. This is this wisdom written in James 3:5-10 (MSG)

"It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By your speech we can ruin the world, or turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame the tongue - it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With out tongues we bless God, and with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in His image. Curses and blessing out of the same mouth!"

If you are a young women who has been hurt by words you are not alone. You can heal. You don’t have to carry that heavy load.

In fact, God says, He'd like to carry it for you. He wants you to be free to be the TRUE U. He tells us, "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

CHOICES

There are some healthy choices you can make. They are big ones. You hold the keys to getting out of the prison of pain caused by words that devalue, abuse, dishearten, discourage, demean, or demand.

1) Acknowledge your parents are broken people too.

2) Choose to forgive.

(Forgiveness never justifies what the person did, but by not holding it against them or taking revenge you will eliminate a root of bitterness from your life. Bitterness is a slow poison that can totally take over your mind and heart. Don’t go toxic because of someone else’s mistake. Go free because you choose to forgive.)

3) Uproot the lies and mis-spoken words and replace them with truth.

4) Talk about it with a trusted friend, mentor, pastor.

CROSS FIRE CAUTION
If you do not heal from those words that hold power over you – your feelings of powerlessness will take over and you will pull out a gun of your own. Your speech will be poisonous to others. What is in your heart will come out of your mouth. The cycle of hurt will continue, but this time you will be the one shooting bullets, and starting wild fires.

QUESTION 

Now the question is back in our court: How will we use our words? 

Recklessly starting forest fires, and spaying gun fire? 

Or 

Being wise, full of grace, truth and love to bring healing?

"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

“I wish word were like little toy guns, no smoke, no bullets, no kick from the trigger when you pull it, no pain, no damage done.”