BEING YOUR OWN HERO - VICTORIA GAUTHIER

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Being Your Own Hero

“If you're searching for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”
            
Growing up means becoming more independent and responsible for your own actions. At first, I thought this was great. The moment I got my G2 and could drive around by myself, when I walked across the stage and received my high school diploma, or the moment I walked into university for the first time were all moments I felt on top of the world. I was finally an ‘adult’ and I felt I could do things myself.

I went into university and entered the ‘real world’ this past September. I think I learnt more lessons in the past months than my whole life combined. I met people who became my best friends; I met people who are quite the opposite of that too. I fell in love for the first time and got my heart broken for the first time. Throw in a part time job, daily visits to the gym, chores around home, studying, trying to upkeep my beauty routine and try to get enough sleep. Life is tough for teenage girls, life is even tougher while getting a university degree, and to top all this off I was battling against mental illness.

All throughout high school I struggled with several eating disorders including anorexia and bulimia as well as depression. There were times I got a bit better, but never have I actually recovered. If I wasn’t starving myself, I was making myself sick after meals. I hated who I was and what I looked like and even my life. I wouldn’t tell my friends any of this because I was embarrassed. I tried to get support from my family but it hard to understand something you’ve never been through personally or have not been educated on. I was alone.  I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I was trapped in this vicious cycle forever. Being busy with university did help a little bit, it took my mind off things and it was actually great to make new friends and be invited places. Also a boy started paying attention to me so I thought I must not be that bad.

All of a sudden, I got broken up with, my grades started going downhill, working and studying were overwhelming, I started to fight a lot with my parents, I stopped praying and relying on God to help me with my problems and my eating disorder was getting worse. I finally reached my breaking point. I was so sick, physically and mentally. It takes such a toll, it is almost indescribable. After a while, I felt worthless. Nothing ever seemed to work out so I just succumbed to being a girl who has an eating disorder. The doctors couldn’t be with me 24/7 to help me, nor could any therapist or my parents. I had given up and I was just waiting for something to go wrong with my health.

After having anorexia for four years bulimia for over a year, feeling so mentally and physically exhausted, I finally decided that this was no way to live. I realized no one could monitor me all the time, and that the problem was internal, I was the only one who could reach it and deal with it. So I decided one day that I was going to get better. Anorexia and Bulimia had controlled my life for so long and had hurt me so bad, ruined relationships, and deterred me from the person I wanted to become. I deserved to be happy and live a good life.
           
I became my own hero. Don’t get me wrong, I had tried many times to help myself and I failed, but
that day in January I decided there was so much to live for, why was I wanting to escape? God blessed me with so much and gave me a beautiful life, and he revealed to me that there is so much ahead of me. I still have bad days, when I cry in the shower and feel bad about eating dessert, or I think about people who treated me like I was expendable. But I am so much stronger than my mental illness or any situation I face in life. I have to thank a lot of people for it. Obviously God, my family, friends, and any medical staff involved, but I also want to thank the people who treated my poorly, boyfriends or girls that I associated with. They made me realize I deserve so much better. I cannot be more proud to say I was my own hero, took responsibility and saved myself.
            
You can be your own hero; you are never given more than you can handle. Sometimes it may not seem like it, but I promise you there is always a way out. If you are in a bad relationship, be your own hero and get out of it. If you are struggling with a mental illness, be your own hero and get help, as well as help yourself. If you are failing school, struggling at work, fighting with your family, anything, be your own hero. You can ameliorate your situation, it takes absolutely everything you have, but it is possible. The pride that you feel from accomplishing it by yourself does not compare to anything else. It will continue to build upon itself and will reveal your true worth to yourself.



Guest Blogger, 
Victoria Gauthier



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