TRUE U: 2018

Birthday Banter . . . #37

It’s early Saturday morning and it feels like Christmas with the snow and my Christmas decorations up – but its my birthday.

I have already enjoyed some beautiful facebook messages. Thanks guys!

I don’t know what birthdays are like for you, but for me they are often a welcomed celebration. That could be an understatement when I was younger, I looked forward to Nov 17th with euphoric expectation and countdowns.

I’m the one in the family that likes to celebrate anything and everything. . . like a professional event planner.

When I was a wee girl, mom created beautifully decorated homemade cakes, and birthday parties with friends were special. I can remember birthdays bowling, skating, and some rockin’ dance parties with everyone dressed up in my figure skating gear. Birthdays also included a second party with my extended family, gathering for cake and gifts. I was loved and spoiled by our ‘village.’

Into my teen years I often had difficulty remembering my actual age, because I always wanted to be older. I guess that is still a problem. Getting our flu shots last week I had to yell over to Jeff to ask if I was 38 turning 39 or 37 turning 38. He said you’re 36. Haha, I’m still out of sync.

Maybe it’s because I often had older friends? Maybe it’s the existential part of me that is so serious about living out my purpose? Maybe it’s my strong visionary self that likes to dream up amazing things for the future? I tend to hope forward for the next season (though I’ve learned to also appreciate the season where my feet are planted). I’m so good at being expectant, just not expecting.

I love this part of me to be honest; the part that wants more for me and others. The part that is very tenaciously dedicated to purpose and calling. I think it’s one of my gifts. It is not about what hasn’t been, but more about what could be.

The desire to be “older” has SLOWED, slowed to a halt actually. Don’t get me wrong when I think about my accomplishments, there are many. I am proud of them. Becoming a pastor and psychotherapist are two investments that I’m grateful for. Most moments I am all go, all drive, working towards something. These moments are punctuated with other moments of wanting time to stand still. These moments are mostly organized around one unfulfilled longing of the heart. That is for family, growing my family.

My birthday reminds me of so many things I do have, hold and hope for.

It is also a reminder of what I don’t have.

Perhaps you know what it is like to have health complications that create challenges for having a family? I’ve walked beside a few women with similar challenges. We all handled it differently. For me, something I have not been highly emotional about (overall) – or resisted being emotional about (most of the time). Something I have coped with for years. I’ve been able to celebrate others births without hesitation. So thankful!

Coped well with the exception of certain triggers. Remember when we were all waiting for April the Giraffe to have her baby? Gosh – gushing emotions.

I still enjoy my birthday, but it has come to mean something more. So as it seems, the birthday pressure of another year older isn’t irrational in this case, they count.

My younger self didn’t picture myself 37 and childless.

[ You may think that took a sudden sad turn, not my intention. Let’s be hopeful together ]

I’m approaching this next year with hope!

36 was a challenge health wise.

This year has been challenging with continued Dr. apt., specialist apt. that are not always helpful. I also had surgery to remove an ovarian tumour, recovery was so much slower than anticipated. Oh and, they reported back that it was cancerous – but NOT MY CANCER?! Yes, you read that right. They had to send my tumour to a geneticist to find out if “those cells” were “my cells.” They weren’t – they were “spillage” from someone else’s sample. Waiting for those results was breath taking at moments.

Like what – this happens? Insert prayer that the other person has discovered they need treatment.

Much of my story of what those have been I have held very close and privately for years. It’s not something I have shared widely, even to this day.

Why today? Not sure. I woke up 37? (Yes, for most of my life context, its just a number, right? True. I’m youthful and vivacious. I like that word - vivacious. But when it comes to fertility – it matters).

I share a snap shot of my story to speak hope and faith into my journey and perhaps yours. Not wishful thinking, but hope in a wonderful future no matter if it looks different than you first envisioned. Not wishful thinking, but faith deeply rooted in God's love for you not matter the outcome or disappointment.

I also share it to be another voice to inspire sensitivity of women towards one another.

We can bump into some insensitive moments hey? Some are jaw dropping moments . . . you’ve probably had some of your own.

I’ve always taken the approach in my heart and mind that when someone said or did something insensitive, that it was my responsibility in how I responded or don't. For the most part, I have walked it out with acceptance and grace. I’ve managed well. Amazing, thank you Lord!

Even when someone rubbed my belly and asked if the “Dahms’" were expecting a grandchild.” I was gracious.

Even when a woman said, how dare I be a youth pastor and not have children of my own . . . ok I may have been less gracious with this one – more direct and assertive.

Even when a woman ran up to me before going on the platform to preach and said, I hear you are pregnant, I was somewhat gracious.

When the Costco greater asked when I was due – I was gracious . . . she literally ran away into the store in fear of being fired! Jeff and I laugh about this now.

People – are – so – bold! Misguided boldness.

Women friends, gal pals, I have a long list of interest, amusing, and shocking encounters. Aren't people funny? Perhaps that is another post.

I get it, I have some extra weight and PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) tends to rally it all to the mid section . . . PCOS is like a little drill sergeant that says: ok troops, gather here and stand your ground. Shout out to my PCOS cysters! Love to you. We deeply empathize with what insulin and weight loss resistance is like.

Here’s another little example that seems benign. It maybe.

So, another woman, perhaps 40 years in age, asks how old I am . . .

Upon my reply they respond, “awe, you are just a baby” or “you are so young.” (This has happened with some frequency recently, I suppose that’s why I feel it worthy to write about)

Now part of me can simply roll. I like to just roll. . . with it.

But part of me is puzzled. What does that mean? My husband is the same age as you? You are only 1000 days older than me? I could go on with questions as to why they choose to respond this way?

For me, for a woman in her late 30’s without children, you are not always feeling like a “baby” when you are without a “baby.”

So lets just be thoughtful towards one another. We’ll miss it, we’ll mess up. But let’s keep trying.

Keep trying - I smikred just re-read those words.

Here is to another birthday, and giving some little one a birthday of their own next year.

I did just say that.

Regardless of what happens, I'll continue to have a resolve to live life with deep sense of purpose and hopefully in a vivacious manner :)

I hope you will too, no matter your story!

My love to anyone with any sort of life challenge going on right now – you are more than your situation, your value is endless. Hold on to your value and values. Hold on to your faith no matter if the outcome is different that the outset of your journey.

I’ll spend the rest of the day counting my blessings, there are many.

Happy New Year!

I thought I would share the end of yesterday's blog in its own post. These questions are worth a pause to make a healthier and stronger you for 2018.

NEW YEAR INVENTORY

What would you increase?

What would you decrease?

What would you add?

What would you subtract?

What would you forgive?

What would you relinquish?

What would you be open to?

STRENGTH BASED REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Make a list of

...experiences that attributed to you joy – why were they so pleasurable?

...experience that caused pain – what was so painful?

...successes and failures – what did you learn?

...fears you have - how did you muster the courage to face them? Which ones do you still need to face?

...difficult things you overcame - how did you cope and manage to get through?

...things you pay attention to the most - pay attention to what you pay attention to and ask yourself why?

...moments that most made you laugh - what tickles your funny bone? How can you laugh more?

...physical activities that kept you moving last year - was this a benefit to your health?

...spiritual lessons/encounters/learning - how did this transform your life or thinking?

...relationships that were life giving – what qualities were in those life giving people?

...activities that bring you pleasure - how can you carve out time to do more of these?

Keep these lessons as a rich foundation for 2018.

WHAT AM I DOING TO KEEP HEALTHY IN 2018?

How will I invest in the long term health of my:

1. Body
2. Mind
3. Spirit
4. Relationships
5. Finances

KEEPING PURPOSE AND PLEASURE IN YOUR LIFE

When it comes to our mental health it is important for us to engage in pleasurable activities and to feel productive. I tell my clients, go home and do something “new or old” that brings you fulfillment, purpose and pleasure. To do that, make a list of things that you value and give you purpose. Then line up some activities that match that list.

New Year practices you may embrace and get benefit from:

- Gratitude reflections/journal
- Music/play/sing/dance/listen
- Exercise
- Walking in nature
- Coffee with a friend
- Seeking out a mentor
- Make a dream board
- Start a new study
- Join a book club
- Giving to the local food bank /soup kitchen
- Serving some seniors
- Organizing your home
- Bird watching
- Snow shoeing /Skiing
- Ice fishing
- Make a Pinterest craft
- Make a new recipe
- Writing/blogging
- Purge a closet
- Recycle an item for a new use
- Attend a paint night
- Go to a hockey game
- Watch a curling game
- Join a gym/or sports team
- Indoor walking club
- Go hear new/old band
- Volunteer somewhere new
- Visit a family member
- Rest
- Make maple syrup
- Visit a library
- Visit a museum with free Library pass
- Get support in reducing stress
- See a counsellor
- See your Pastor
- Ask how to serve your local church
- Plant a flower for your home
- Start an indoor garden
- Get a pet
- Scrapbook
- Get into genealogy
- Go for a scenic drive
- Read favorite book
- Read online articles of interest
- Relax at your favorite coffee shop

ABOUT TRUE U

There is only one you. Best to know the true you - right? To best unleash your potential and purpose you must know you, value you, invest in you, and love you. True U's school of self-image and relationships is here to cheer you on, with encouragement and inspiration. This blog is to highlight real life stories of overcoming life's obstacles. You are not alone.

Your journey is unique, your make up is unique, and your value is exponential. Each day is an opportunity to grow, learn, give, heal, and discover. Enjoy the journey.

"When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way." Wayne Dyer