There is a lot of bait out there to lure us into the trap of self-doubt, or self-debasing. We seem to fall for it over and over again, until pain or problems point it out.

What baits you into feeling “less than,” or “lacking?”

At some point along the way, you have likely had thoughts and feels of self-doubt in one of these four areas, or all of them. I don’t want to be a negative nelly here, because I do believe there are wonderfully confident and capable women out there. But even those women, if openly vulnerable, would confess to working through these 4 traps of, “not enough.”

What words would you use to describe those feelings that nip at your confidence?

Not Enough: skimpy, insufficient, damaged, incomplete, second string, lacking, unassembled, weak, faulty, undone, lacking, unsure, scattered etc.

Why is it that we so easily gravitate to negatives about ourselves over positives? Or truth over lies?

I was working with a young man a couple weeks ago that was feeling very uncomfortable with people in public looking at him. He found this increased after he got new glasses. He thought they though his new glasses looked "ugly." I inquired, did you ever consider that they may actually like your new funky glasses?! .....No


“Negative self-perceptions repeated overtime will brand themselves into our minds and eventually become reality.” ~ Sharon Jaynes

What is your brand?

What have you branded yourself with that is etched into your inner life that holds back your outer life? Need a re-brand?

Time to get wise to the bait, the trap and the lies.

The BIG four areas we can feel “not enough” are our ability, body, identity, and relationships.

1)    ABILITY – what we can do is not enough

Self-doubt can override our true giftedness. Instead of using and growing in our gifts, skills, interests we say – “I could never do that.” I can’t. I’m only ___________.  I can’t do that job, help that person, make that money etc. There are more voices telling us we can’t, than we can, so we often settle for can’t. Time to take the “T” off of can’t.

2)    BODY – how we look is not enough

I hate the way I ___________. I wish I could change this _______ part of my body. If only I were 20 lbs lighter. Why do I have cellulite? The Kellogg’s commercial tells us that 97% of women, “have an I hate by body moment” every day. Well ladies, that is likely true, and so sad. I love how they challenge us to “proudly own it all.” Yes!

3)    IDENTITY – who we are inside is not enough

Your self-concept can be made-up of restrictive labels. Maybe we live out what someone else has labeled us through criticism, abuse, or bullying. Maybe we have allowed fear to dictate our self-image. Somehow, we can feel like we  are the “wrong kind” of person.

4)    RELATIONSHIPS – how we share ourselves is not enough

We feel like we don’t give enough as mom, friend, or wife, etc. In this area we can see all four at play:  The feeling that “I will be loved only if I am _____.”Then I change my body to be more like this, my identity to be more like that, so that I can be love by___________.

Why?

There are many reasons girls and women become prey for these four traps. A cocktail of childhood, upbringing, culture, trauma, rejection, stress, media, stereotypes, and so on.  Often our messages we absorb from parents, teachers and peers when we are young can wound us unintentionally, or intentionally leaving us with feelings of inadequacy. We can then become shy, avoidant, dismissive or overcompensate for our inner beauty and skill sets.

We can withdraw, or over engage in performance and perfectionism traps to prove that we are enough. Both are unhealthy spectrums of behavior.

Reclaiming identity, first comes by identifying. Identifying where the warp is.

Lets get real . . . 

We all have weaknesses, right?
We all have strengths, right?
We all are unique, right?

Why not identify all of those areas and be real about it - but not allow yourself to get raw about it.

Instead of allowing a true area of weakness or a perceived (not actual) area of weakness become your undoing - just being real and employ self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love!

The areas you are actually not enough: 
1) Lean on your tribe and village - lean on love and loved ones
2) Figure out if there is growth possible | needed - learn how to build your skill or self-esteem
3) Allow God to be enough where you are not - pray, trust, seek, receive comfort and peace

In the areas you are enough - but irraitonal thoughts and feelings are taking over: 
1) Identify thought traps - become self-aware, it is the start to disempowering your inner bully
2) Challenge those thoughts with evidence - take an objective | rational look at toxic thoughts
3) Utilize trust friend, mentor, counsellor - uproot a core belief of inadequacy


Proverbs 23:7 says, they way you think about yourself, is the way you are or become.

We need to reclaim our God image and see how God sees. His love will light up our lives every time! His truth will lighten our dark spots in our minds and hallways of our hearts. Just try seeing yourself through the eyes of the one who created us - and said we were very good.

Robert MaGee says in his books, Search for Significance:

“One of the biggest steps we can take forward in constantly glorifying God and walking in peace and joy with our heavenly father is to recognize the deceit that held us captive, Satan’s lies distort our real perspective warp our thoughts and produce painful emotions. If we cannot identify those lies, then it is very likely we will continue to be defeated by them.”

Why are you good enough? 

Even when we feel weak, even when we are unsure, and even when we are a hot mess - we are enough. Here's why. . .

There are a lot of ways we could look at worth. But let me go big picture value.

Forever speaks value: the truth is we are good enough because of the one who created us said we are VERY GOOD (Genesis 1:31). God loves us, we are made in His image/likeness, and as a believer, His Holy Spirit lives in you. God who is good occupies you! The more our hearts and attitudes align with His - the greater sense of worth we have.

The designer gave us immense value – in fact eternal value. He offers us abundant life (John 10:10) that is not just for now, but forever. So we are never tossed away, we never expire, we never are used up, we never cease to be God’s precious daughter. He created us to be loved, and He committed all of His love to us on a forever scale. FOREVER loves speaks of the highest value.

From the start to the never ending story of our lives . . . He's willing to fill us up with what we need to be enough.

When we feel like we are not enough or have had enough, God says - daughter, I am enough for all your worries, doubts, fears, and feelings of lack.

I AM enough and I made you enough - together we are unstoppable.

Its the divine partnership of father and daughter that makes us enough. He created us and called us good, and He adds His goodness to our hearts daily if we invite Him in to each moment.

Shaking off feelings of “not enough:”

1)    Recognize – lies
2)    Replace – with truth
3)    Resist - traps
4)    Rinse - emotions
5)    Renew - mind
6)    Reclaim – confidence
7)    Refresh – dreams
8)    Risk - rejection
9)    Repeat

If you know the truth, the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Time to get wise to the bait, the trap and the lies. Let your BRAND be your TRUE U.

Have you been crab fishing lately? No, me either. Ha ha. But those little critters teach us a valuable lesson in life. Did you know that if you happen to catch a bucket of crabs you do not have fear their escape or put a lid on the bucket?

If you put one crab in a bucket, it will climb out. But if you put 2+ crabs in the bucket, when one of the crabs tries to climb out, the other will pull it back in. Neither will ever escape. It doesn’t matter that it’s possible to escape, the crabs will hold each other back from doing so. Each time a crab makes an attempt to get free, another one claws him back into the bucket.

Crabology 101 states, “If I can’t be free, neither can you.”

A while back I showed up at an event I was speaking at. People were gathering as they waited for the event to start. I could hear a little conversation around the corner. There was a person who seemed really pumped to tell people they “knew” me. That buddy buddy talk shifted quickly and turned to covert slights towards me while pumping up how great they were. I thought – no! Don’t do it – don’t crab bucket both of us! We’ll both get stuck in there!

We’ve either been there, or been there. We have been crab bucketed or we have crab bucketed.

This is a tendency we can easily adopt.

We can have a bucket list. This list is different than that one with exciting experiences we’d like to have before we die. It’s the list of people that are living life around us that press an insecurity or inadequacy button that automatically activates a spring loaded claw! That claw grabs at other people’s freedom, success, confidence, character or career.

The spring loaded claw reaches for someone we perceive is getting ahead, living with more joy or freedom, who is achieving some sort of success and so on. The root is covetousness (desiring something that is not ours) and emotional promiscuity (jealousy, a wandering heart, not being faithful to God’s intentions for our own lives).

 We need a way to deactivate this spring loaded claw.

Questions we can ask ourselves:

Who is on our bucket list? Who is in our buckets? Is there another person who we claw at either with actual words, or in the hallways of our hearts?

I think we should actually write down our bucket list. Then go through each person, and ask ourselves, what insecurity/inadequacy/jealous button do I allow to be pressed in myself – activating that spring loaded CLAW? Why do I find it hard to celebrate that person? Why do I feel devalued if I celebrate them?

That is some good ongoing reflection for us all.

The first step after reflection:
Hi, my name is __________________ and I have a claw and a bucket.

The second step:
Put down the claw, and step away from the bucket.

Then put the claw down, and pray for those people.  Speak well words about those people. Accept your own value and worth as an individual. Celebrate your gifts at the same time as those on your bucket list.

Allow those in your bucket to escape the grip your heart has on them. After you let all the people out of the grip of your crab claw, here’s the good news: you can now get out of the bucket too!! Remember, one crab on their own can get out of the bucket. But together in the bucket, they are too busy concentrating on keeping others from their freedom.

Make your bucket list, and set them free.

As you free others from that crab bucket tendency of the heart – you will then free yourself.

Its amazing how you will find peace, confidence and a new freedom when you escape the crab bucket effect. 

Romans 12: 9-19 (MSG) says some pretty great truths for us in this process.

9-10 Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. 11-13 Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. 14-16 Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. 17-19 Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

Don't be a carbon copy, celebrate uniquely you, and other's uniqueness.